What if you stopped playing the game and decided to just be the real you? To just be authentic. Not playing the “game”. Not wear the “suit”. To not be the representative of what you think works but to just be yourself?
It’s been an eye opening few months for me. It’s been a hard time, because I’ve been fighting to keep myself out the game. I try not to watch any TV or stay up to date on the news, pop culture, or anything really that’s not feeding my spirit. Lately I’ve felt like a vessel and I only want to be filled with the best. I want to be my own teacher, the guru of myself. I don’t desire to be anything but my authentic self.
I’ve always been different. It wasn’t easy either. It’s hard to watch the game being played around you and folks waiting on you to participate. In all honesty I’m sure if I used my representative more I’d seem to be further, but at what cost? How can you be proud of yourself if you wasn’t yourself when you accomplished something? Recently the soul searching has lead me to notice I am truly one of a kind. As Nipsey put it... “That’s how I knew I was different.” At no cost will I play the game. My career may not be where I want it to be, but I make every decision with my authentic self.
When I show up it’s because I really want to be there, not because it’ll look good. When I smile, it’s real not forced. When I show up on my mat it’s because we needed the time together, not to post for the likes. When I teach it’s from a place that’s honest and real, and when I’m not in the mood; I cancel. It’s not rehearsed. It’s not staged. It’s not a move that’s been planned by my representative to get ahead. I live my life as honestly as possible. And that means it’s messy sometimes. I’m a bit rough around the edges sometimes. I laugh out loud at my own jokes. I don’t document every step I take. I cook with no instructions and fail a lot, but it’s beautiful because it’s raw. It’s unfiltered and that’s what life should be about. Our society literally has programmed us to believe to make it you must fit into a box. You can’t be yourself if you want to make it. You must play the game first... or so I’ve been told.
But let’s just say for arguments sake you do play the game. You always wear the correct suit (the representative) and you move up in the game, and then you actually hit your desired finish line. When you look back who would have gotten you were you thought you wanted to be. The real you or the representative? What if you check all the boxes and wear the representative and still don’t fit in the box you worked so hard to get into? Then what? Do you run back and start again with another representative?
Who are you now? Do you know? Are you present enough to notice you never actually failed... it was your representative that played a game. You faked it! You basically lied to yourself. You were never true, honest, or authentic. You never valued the real you. If we all just stop wearing mask, suits, & representatives we can stop trying to fit into boxes on a game board and actually live! We can actually breathe free. We can stop trying to cram all our ecstatic energy into small boxes and burst magic everywhere. We’d be free to stop doing it to win and just do it! Just fucking be YOU! The real you! The real ‘us’ would all be here and then we could all actually be here! Present! Together!
The recent soul searching has got me thinking I’m cool with who I am. I love me! Me is a damn mess, who holds the word “Fuck” sacred to my spirit. Me loves to dance anywhere and me sings out loud in a quiet room because the song is blasting in my heart. Me picks my kids up from school with no shoes on, and cooks dinner with no pants on. Me hasn’t worked for anyone or supported anything I don’t believe in. Me doesn’t filter myself because it makes you or anyone comfortable. Me loves to smile and I don’t do it because it’s required. Me is 100% authentic at all times even when it’s not popular or going to move me forward in the game. And Me doesn’t care, because I’m not playing the game. Don’t let anyone decide for you. Don’t get on the game board because someone’s representative told you it’s required. The game is to be sold... Being yourself might seem at times the hardest thing to do in a room full of representatives but if you just stay still, you’ll be grateful that you’re brave enough to know: ‘I’m different, I’m me and that’s fucking awesome’.
Boxes are made to pack away. Games are meant to be played... your authentic self was a gift. Are you ready to pack it away, or roll the dice and lose yourself in a game?
I’m not.
Love, Light & Magic
Briana
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